Tonight as I was in deep thought in the shower (a very good place for thinking…and singing) I realized something pretty incredible, I am single and happy. Now it wasn’t news to me that I was single but happy, that took me by surprise. As the hot water of the shower hit me so did the realization that I was actually happy. And it felt really good, because this wasn’t always the case.
I’ve had some dark days single…I’m pretty sure it comes with the territory of being over 30 and still (very) single. It’s basically a rollercoaster ride of emotions including but not limited to loneliness, disappointment, jealousy, anger, confusion, and sadness. Maybe you can relate?
But not now. No, now I was feeling peaceful, content, and happy…even excited about what the future held for me. I started to think about what may be causing this incredible shift. What am I doing differently now than when I had experienced those dark days? Here is what I came up with. How I had become single and happy….
1. Be positive and grateful
Recently someone told me I was a very positive person and I responded “Thank you! I work really hard to be.” And that’s the truth! Honestly, I am naturally negative, a glass half empty kind of person. But over the past year or so I have worked really hard to intentionally choose to be positive, see the good in every situation and to daily focus on all I have to be grateful for. This can be a whole article in itself but for now I will just say that I am seeing the benefits of this effort. Even though my circumstances have not have changed (I’m still single) my outlook and attitude about it have.
2. Spend less time dwelling on singleness
The more time we talk about, complain about, think about and dwell on being single-the bigger of an issue it’s going to be. We need to STOP, now! And start focusing our energy, time and thoughts on other things, better things. For me writing for Sunshine for Single Moms has been one of these outlets. It has helped me channel myself into something positive, instead of the negative thoughts and feelings singleness can bring up. It can be anything (a sport, hobby, volunteering, reading), but rechanneling our focus on something more positive will have dramatic effects on how we view our singleness and life in general.
3. Let God write your love story
Although it may sound a little cory it has been the most powerful thing in helping me change my view and feelings surrounding my single state. Personally, for me, I felt that I needed to delete the dating apps and instead trust God to write my love story. I know this isn’t the case for everyone, but personally for me, I felt this was what God was leading me to do. I have done online dating for a long time (seriously like 10 years!). I have met a lot of guys online and I have dated several of them. But looking back none of them were God’s plan for me. This was clear but I was so busy trying to be in control I ignored the signs and God’s leading. A lot of challenges, negative situations, and long term consequences have come from this and I am finally saying no more! I will finally stop trying to write my own love story and I will give God the pen. He is the author of life itself and has already written the greatest love story of all time, so why wouldn’t I trust him with mine? I can honestly say I feel so much relief, contentment, peace and happiness in this decision to let go and trust. Whatever this looks like for you, I would encourage you to let God write your love story too. He will do a far better job than we ever could anyway!
I’m not saying I will be happy-go-lucky every moment of my single life from here on out but I can say that the changes I’ve made and the trust I’ve placed in God to take over have dramatically helped and improved my single status and life overall. I am happier, more content, at peace and enjoying my life so much more now! If you are not already single and happy I hope you can apply some of these ideas to help you get there too.
Which one of these 3 stands out to you? Comment below!